This isn't something I talk about often, not because I'm ashamed of it, it just doesn't tend to come up in conversation. "Hi, I'm Amy. I have an incurable bowel condition" isn't exactly the best opener. I thought writing this post would help give me some perspective, and maybe help someone else along the way too.
As some of you are aware, and to those of you who aren't, I suffer from Crohn's Disease. I personally hate the term suffer - it makes me feel like an invalid, when in fact I'm probably in the best shape of my life. Crohn's Disease is a form of IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) and is a chronic illness that can cause inflammation throughout the entire digestive system - basically from your mouth to your bum hole. There are many different symptoms including fatigue, severe cramping, diarrhoea. So you can see it's not a very glamorous disease. There is currently no cure for IBD, but it can be controlled through the likes of medication and diet etc. So it's definitely more than possible to lead a full and healthy life.
The reasons as to why Crohn's, and other forms of IBD, occurs is still largely unknown. Which makes it even harder to come to terms with. You find yourself asking why me?, and there really is no answer. I was diagnosed when I was 15, and I think this is something I struggled most to come to terms with, and still do from time to time. And that's okay. Lately, I've had this overwhelming fear of becoming ill again, because my life is finally on track and I'm waiting for something to trip me up. And that's okay too. I'm human. We all are. It's okay to have human emotions, to find yourself fearing the future, feeling frustrated at your own body, even grieving for the "normal" life you feel you'll never have. Crohn's-sufferer or not, these are things we all experience.
It's true, we can't always control what happens to us - I certainly didn't ask to be diagnosed with a chronic illness in the middle of GCSEs. But one thing we can control is how we react to and deal with what life throws at us. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it.
It has been almost 6 years since I was diagnosed, and it definitely hasn't been easy. My illness has had a knock-on effect on the rest of my life, and on lives of those around me. It hasn't been easy on them either, especially my mum. I can't imagine what it must be like to watch your child go through so much pain, and tears, and sleepless nights, all knowing there was nothing you could do to help. But you did help, You were there for me when I was curled up and sobbing on the bathroom floor, and for countless doctors' and hospital appointments. And you're still there now. When I'm feeling down and overwhelmed, I know I can always count on you, and words cannot express how grateful I am for that. I think sometimes, when you have a chronic illness, you can feel isolated and alone, as if no one could possibly understand what you're going through. But sometimes they don't have to understand, just being there is enough.
I suppose after all this rambling I should get to the point. The point is, you can't control how you feel, because sometimes you have to do just that: feel. Cry. Even scream, if you want to. But what you don't have to do is let those feelings control you. I have Crohn's Disease, but I don't "suffer" from it. And neither should you.
(If you've made it this far, I've left a link below to the main charity for IBD, where you can find out more about the disease and ways to support)
https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/
